Accepting emotions without condemnation and self-criticism is one of the most difficult steps in experiencing intense emotions in sports such as frustration, fear of error, or precompetitive anxiety. In the previous text, I have already stated the reasons for the ineffectiveness of ignoring or suppressing feelings in sports. But what exactly are the steps that an athlete takes in the phase of accepting his own emotions? One of the leading experts in this field, Christopher Germer (2009), explained in detail the process of accepting unwanted emotions through a 5-step continuum:
1st step: AVOIDANCE
In the first step of accepting emotions, the athlete is in resistance to go through a “storm” of his own feelings or individual emotions. The athlete does not accept his own emotion, does not allow himself to evaluate his inner state, and rejects to allow himself to experience the emotion through his body. Due to intense emotions, athletes, regardless of quality and competitive level or status, give up fighting in the middle of a competition or become passive during the game (e.g. in handball, they slow down the ball flow and enter less in the contact game)
Some athletes, due to not being able to identify their own feelings, increase their cognitive anxiety to the extent that they “block” during their performance (e.g. miss the basket during free throws).
To make it easier to explain the first step to young athletes, Germer (2009) uses the metaphor: “we hide in our own house by locking the door; we tell the visitor to keep further away from us”.
2nd step: RESEARCH WITH CURIOSITY (exposure to discomfort)
Continuing on the metaphor of the house, in this step the owner “stares through the door to see who is coming”. Through the gradual exposure to discomfort, the athlete allows himself to notice his bodily emotion being curious which part of the body and which bodily sensations the emotion triggers or uses for its presence. At such moments, the athlete is willing to face a sudden feeling of tension in the legs or notices more intense heartbeats during the last attack during the match.
3rd step: TOLERANCE
During the tolerance phase, the athlete observes his feelings without resisting and “running away” from the experience of an uncomfortable or unwanted emotion. At his stage, the athlete is able to experience emotional suffering by observing it patiently in his body and making room there to decide what to do with the feeling: allow the emotion to control his values and behavior or let him decide on how to behave despite the “weight of feeling without resistance”.
In such moments, the athlete is ready to tolerate the feeling of frustration and shame when a few athletes overtake him, and, despite the emotion, is still able to run with full strength and intensity. A tennis player visibly damaged by a judge’s decision will allow himself to feel and tolerate anger and frustration. He will notice it within his body, observe and tolerate it, and understand himself, but he will still make wise decisions and moves for the next point. At this stage of accepting emotions, the “homeowner” will invite the guest inside the house, but will ask him to stay temporarily in the hallway.
4th step: PERMISSION (emotions come and go)
In the fourth step, we allow the guest of the house to walk around the house under the watchful supervision of the owner. Moments of experiencing and tolerating intense emotion seem to us as if the emotion will last long and intensely, but in reality every emotion is just like a wave and has its beginning, its highest (most intense) point and phase of decline. If the athlete is willing to invest patience and observe his emotions without self-condemnation, they will last shorter and will be less intense. The athlete will then be able to make decisions regardless of the strength of the emotions. At the stage of allowing, the athlete should be aware of the “torrent of thoughts” that come in moments of experiencing intense emotions.
Thoughts of doubt, self-condemnation and self-criticism fill the mental space of the athlete and if he is not aware of them, he will then behave automatically as his thoughts tell him and as they lead him. What is liberating for most athletes is the fact that thoughts are only thoughts, and that we have the choice of not believing every “story” or “scenario” that our thoughts want to tell us.
For example, upon intense fear of making a mistake, a thought of doubt appears to the athlete “What if I make the same mistake? In such situations, the athlete will be aware of his doubt, and he will not resist the thought of why the doubt has appeared and will accept the “story or scenario” that the doubt offers: “What if I repeat the bad performance from the preceding tournament and let my coach down?” But he will allow the thought to come and go and direct his focus on the current performance (e.g. focus on the ball).
5th step: FRIENDSHIP (value of learning from an uneasy emotion)
The last stage ends the previous metaphor as follows: “the owner of the house sits with his guest and allows the guest to speak”
The last stage changes our view and relationship with emotions, e.g. the athlete becomes aware that he needs uncomfortable emotions such as fear or anxiety to get out of his comfort zone in which fear prevented a change of approach in competition (e.g. the basketball player, despite fear, takes responsibility and sends the last shot of the match). On the other hand, a tennis player who has done everything to avoid the discomfort of an uncertain result (e.g. 6:6 and entering a tiebreak) now does not resist the uncertainty but somehow desires high stakes situations because he perceives them as a challenge for progress and not a threat.
A tennis player is aware that in uncertain situations he can expect anxiety or fear of making a mistake, but despite experiencing anxiety at an important point, he resists that anxiety and decides to live by his own values (e.g. an athlete can say to himself: “I challenge myself ”). It is also very important for athletes to notice those feelings and the feeling of uncomfortable emotions are part of human nature, and experiencing them does not make us “less athletes”.